Anxiety is Not the Enemy

I've had more conversations than I can count with coaches who are doing everything right on paper and still feel like they're drowning.

Business is growing. Clients are happy. Momentum is there. And yet every Sunday evening there's this low hum of dread that they can't shake. They're behind on everything. They feel scattered. And the worst part? They can't figure out why, because from the outside, things are going well.

I've been there. And when I was in it, my default was to work harder, organize better, and squeeze more into the schedule. Fix the feeling by doing more.

That DID work… until it didn’t. What actually helped was a shift in how I understood the feeling itself.

Anxiety, overwhelm, that creeping sense that you're failing even when you're not. These aren't signs that something is wrong with you. They're data points. They're your system telling you something is out of alignment.

I started going to therapy about 9 years ago, and I am a huge advocate of therapy for everyone and speak very openly about the way it’s changed my life. One of the most useful things I learned was the concept of meta-emotions. It's the idea that we don't just feel things. We feel things about the things we feel. So you're anxious, then you feel guilty for being anxious, then you feel frustrated about feeling guilty, and suddenly you're three layers deep in a spiral that has nothing to do with the original problem.

The way out wasn't to suppress the first feeling with work. The way out was to get curious about it.

When I started doing that, sitting in the discomfort long enough to actually ask what it was pointing at, the answers were almost always the same. I had said yes to too many things. I am literally in that phase right now. My time was going to low-leverage work when the important stuff was getting pushed. My thoughts, feelings, and actions weren't in alignment.

Stress, at its core, is a signal that we care. You don't stress about things that don't matter. So the anxiety most coaches feel during periods of growth is actually a sign that they give a damn about what they're building. The problem isn't the feeling. The problem is what we do with it.

Most coaches either try to push through it and burn out, or they take it as a sign they're not cut out for this. Both responses miss the point.

The more useful question is: what is this feeling trying to tell me?

Is it telling you that you've overcommitted?
That the work you're doing doesn't reflect your actual priorities?
That you're doing busy work to avoid the harder, more important tasks?

When you start asking those questions, something shifts. The anxiety stops feeling like an attack and starts feeling like feedback. Useful feedback.

The practical side of this for me has always been my non-negotiables. A small set of daily actions that keep my business moving, no matter what else is happening. When I honour those, even on the days I feel like a bag of smashed assholes, I can give myself permission to let the rest go. The anxiety has less room to grow because the important work is getting done.

But you can't get there by ignoring the signal. You get there by asking better questions of it.

The next time you feel that low hum of overwhelm, try sitting with it for a minute before you reach for your to-do list. What is it actually telling you? What did you say yes to that you shouldn't have? What important thing have you been avoiding?

Anxiety isn't the enemy. It's one of the most honest messengers you have. The question is whether you're willing to listen.

Keep Raising the Bar,

Paul Oneid MS, MS, CSCS