Why Reaching Out to Your Network Isn't 'Bothering People' (And What to Say Instead)

I remember staring at my phone for twenty minutes trying to write a single message to an old training buddy. I had just started coaching and needed clients. He needed a coach, but I couldn't hit send.

Why?

Because I'd convinced myself I was bothering him. That reaching out about my coaching business made me desperate, salesy or annoying. So, I did nothing and he hired someone else three weeks later.

That cost me about $5,000 in revenue and taught me a lesson I see new coaches struggling with constantly: the story you're telling yourself about outreach is killing your business before it even starts.

The Limiting Belief That's Costing You Clients

Here's what most coaches think when they consider reaching out to their network: "I don't want to be that person who only contacts people when they want something."

Let me reframe this for you: You have a skill that solves a real problem people in your network actually have. Not reaching out isn't being respectful - it's being selfish.

Think about it. How many people in your contact list are currently:

• Frustrated with their lack of progress?

• Wasting money on programs that don't work or coaches doing a piss poor job helping them?

• Feeling lost about what to do next?

• Wishing they had someone who understood their specific situation?

You can help them, but you've decided that protecting your own comfort is more important than offering that help. That's not noble. That's cowardice dressed up as politeness.

The Mindset Shift That Changes Everything

I had a coach in a recent mentorship call who was stuck exactly where I was years ago. Paralyzed by the fear of "bothering people." I asked him to send outreach messages to people he already knew. Just simple check-ins, genuine connection, and mentioning he was now coaching.

He hesitated for weeks. When he finally did it, he sent 162 messages over the course of a month. Know what happened? He got 88 replies. That's a 54% response rate. Not just polite responses either - real conversations. People asking questions. Old friends saying, "I've actually been looking for a coach."

Here's what he learned through consistent action: people aren't annoyed by your outreach.

They're either interested or they're not. And the ones who aren't interested? They're not sitting around being offended that you messaged them. They're too busy living their own lives to care that much about yours.

The shift from hesitation to confidence doesn't come from feeling more confident before you act. It comes from acting consistently until the evidence builds confidence for you.

So, what do you actually say?

The mistake most coaches make is leading with the ask. Don't do that. Lead with genuine connection.

Bad example:

"Hey man, I'm coaching full-time now. Let me know if you're interested."

Better example:

"Hey man, been thinking about you. How's training going these days? The last time we chatted you were focused on XYZ. How’s that going for you?”

Then, you wait for the reply that inevitably ends with“how are things going for you?”

They’ve now opened the door for you. You reply to their update and end it with something to the effect of,“I’m doing great! I'm coaching full-time now, and it's been incredible watching people actually make progress with systems that fit their lives."

See the difference? One is transactional. The other is human and leads with connection. The second version opens a conversation. It gives them the space to engage if they choose. It shows genuine interest in them, not just what they can do for you.

From there, let the conversation develop naturally. If they express frustration or ask about your coaching, that's your opening. If they don't, you've reconnected with someone from your network. That has value too.

Put in the Fucking Work

Building a coaching business requires consistently doing uncomfortable things. Reaching out to your network is one of those things. You can either let your discomfort dictate your actions, or you can recognize that discomfort as a signal that you're doing something that matters.

Every coach I've mentored who has built a sustainable business has had to overcome this hurdle. Not by feeling more confident first, but by taking action until confidence follows. That's how it works. You don't wait to feel ready. You act your way into readiness.

Stop protecting yourself from the imaginary judgment of people who aren't thinking about you nearly as much as you think they are. Start protecting your future clients from continuing to struggle with problems you know how to solve.

Your network isn't a list of people to avoid bothering. It's a group of humans who might genuinely benefit from what you offer and who would love to hear from you and reconnect. Reach out. Have real conversations. Offer real help.

The worst thing that happens? Someone doesn't respond. The best thing? You change someone's life and build a business in the process.

Keep Raising the Bar,

Paul Oneid MS, MS, CSCS