The One Question That Changed How I Build My Coaching Business

I spent the first ten years of my coaching career doing everything backwards.

• I'd obsess over program design.

• I'd architect the perfect call structure.

• I'd map out service tiers and pricing models.

• I'd build these beautiful systems that looked phenomenal on paper.
  
  And then I'd watch clients ghost after three months, leave lukewarm reviews, or, worse, get results but never refer anyone.

I couldn't figure out what the fuck I was doing wrong.

• My programs worked.

• My communication was solid.

• My prices were fair.

But something was missing, and it took me burning out twice to finally see it.

I was building my business from the front end instead of the back end.

Here's what I mean: I was asking myself "What service should I offer?" when I should have been asking "How do I want my clients to feel when they're done working with me?"

That shift changed everything.

The Framework That Actually Works

In a recent mentorship call, I asked each coach in my program a simple question: In one sentence, how do you want every client to feel when they've gone through coaching with you?

The answers were revealing.

• Confident.

• Loved and cherished.

• Empowered.

• Like they actually tried.

• Heard, seen, and cared for authentically.

Notice what's missing from that list? Nobody said "like they got a great program" or "like they received excellent customer service." The feelings they wanted to create went way deeper than the mechanics of coaching.

And that's the key insight:If you want someone to feel a specific way, then everything you do—your systems, your communication style, your service structure—needs to be built to create that feeling.

I wouldn't put a squat-specific program in place for somebody who doesn't want to squat. That's obvious. But somehow we miss the bigger version of this principle all the time. We build cookie-cutter services and wonder why our clients don't feel the way we want them to feel.

Here's How to Apply This

Start from the end. Get crystal clear on the emotional outcome you want to create. Not the physical outcome—the emotional one. Then work backwards.

• If you want clients to feel empowered, does your communication style create dependency or autonomy?

• If you want them to feel loved and cherished, are you showing up with that energy in your check-ins?

• If you want them to feel like they actually tried, are your programs challenging enough to create that sense of genuine effort?

This isn't about being softer or gentler. It's about being intentional.

When I realized I wanted my clients to feel confident in their own decision-making capacity, I had to completely restructure how I delivered information. Less prescriptive, more collaborative. More questions, fewer directives.

The service didn't get easier—it got harder. But it finally aligned with the outcome I actually wanted to create.

The Business Impact

Here's what happens when you get this right:

• Your client retention goes up because people feel the way you promised they'd feel.

• Your referrals increase because that emotional outcome is what people talk about, not your program design.

• Your marketing becomes easier because you're selling a feeling, not a service.

And here's the part nobody talks about: You start attracting the right clients. Because when you're clear on the emotional outcome you create, the people who want that outcome find you. The ones who don't want it filter themselves out.

I've been coaching for 18 years, and I didn't get here by having the best programs or the most polished systems… although I’ll happily go toe to toe with anyone lol. I got here by getting ruthlessly clear on what I wanted people to feel and then building everything around that.

If you're spinning your wheels trying to perfect your service offering, stop. Ask yourself the question first: How do you want your clients to feel when they're done working with you? Get specific. Get honest. Then audit everything you're doing against that answer.

The coaches who figure this out don't just build businesses—they build legacies. Because people forget what you taught them, but they never forget how you made them feel.

Now, go do the work.

Keep Raising the Bar,

Paul Oneid MS, MS, CSCS