What getting "dick skin shredded" taught me about coaching

By the time you’re reading this, I’ll be on stage at my second bodybuilding show (September 16, 2025)… that’s right, all tanned up in a man thong, strutting my stuff on stage, only to have my body judged by a panel of folks I’ve never met and will likely never see again.

Fun stuff, right?

Honestly, I could take or leave the stage because if you’ve followed my blogs and newsletters long enough, you know that for me, it’s all about the process - the process of willingly embracing hardships and using them as an opportunity for personal growth and development.

Prepping for a show is a wild time.  If you’ve never done it, let me break it down…

Prep is a 16-20 week extreme dieting phase where calories get as low as they need to and cardio gets as high as it needs to in order to be essentially fat-free on stage.  All the while, you need to continue to show up as your best self in your work and your relationships.  

For some, it can destroy your life… but, come on guys, that ain’t me.

Because I am so process-oriented, I don’t think much about the stage in terms of goals.  My goals for this prep were simple:

• I wanted to prove to myself that I could come back successfully from my double quad rupture last year and put my best physique ever on display

• I wanted to show up and support my wife FULLY as she prepped at the same time for her pro debut

• I wanted to deepen my relationship with her

• I wanted to show up for my clients and mentees in every way that I normally do and I would share the process with them in the hopes of inspiring them.

To some, this might seem like I am not “competitive,” but you’d be completely wrong.  I am THE MOST competitive because many of these goals could be counterproductive to the others.

How can I build my best physique and be fat-free and exhausted while still working fully for my clients?

How can I deepen my relationship with my wife while my sex drive and desire for intimacy are nonexistent?  (Maybe TMI, but this is a harsh reality of extreme dieting)

The truth is that yes, there CAN be trade-offs, but there doesn’t have to be if you have a plan and systems in place to accommodate your goals.

Our clients deal with these issues all the time…

• How can I be the best mom I can be, but leave my children to go train everyday?

• How can I make the sale to this client at a dinner meeting, but keep focused on my nutrition goals?

• How can I build my fitness when I travel all the time and don’t have access to a gym?

By willingly putting myself in these positions, I not only build the skills and resilience over time to find solutions to these potential challenges, but I have built a tremendous amount of empathy for the competing values of those I work with.

And, by sharing my experiences, I inspire them through my actions to be non-negotiable in fulfilling the promises that they make to themselves.

One year ago, I was in a wheelchair - today, I am on stage with the best physique I have ever had.  I am the walking example that you CAN be in full control of your life and that amazing results are possible when you’re violently aligned with your values and priorities.

Did it take discipline?  Yes.

Did it suck at times? Yes.

But you know what?

There have been countless times now where I have sat in reflection, crying tears of happiness and pride at the work I have done to get to where I am and that feeling is PRICELESS.

It is my hope that I am able to help every single one of my clients and mentees feel that same sense of pride because of their ability to push into discomfort, overcome adversity and show up as the best version of themselves for everyone around them.

This is how you Raise the Bar for Coaching.

This is my mission.

As the coach, you owe it to everyone around you not to accept anything less than everything you have to give.

Keep Raising the Bar,

Paul Oneid MS, MS, CSCS